The "P" Word

 

Spoiler alert: The “P” word, is pee. This is about how I pee my pants and have decided to seek help for this very inconvenient, very common “dysfunction.”

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If this offends you it’s most likely because you or someone you know also has run into problems with the “P” Word themselves and they most likely also simply swept it under the proverbial carpet, so to speak.

Laugh now, but at some point 1 in 4 of you will be rolling on the floor leaking laughing.  Your kids will make an acronym out of it (ROTFLL) then blame you for not warning them when they are over 40!  Count on that.

  • will be using the PEE word.

  • will be talking about my pelvic floor muscles in gory detail.

  • will share details about my rather personal, very intimate relationship with my Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist so that you’ll be equipped and prepared.

That is to say, we are all equipped.  We could all, however, be a bit more prepared.

Why?  Either people are clueless like I was or they are closed lips on the subject, kegal’ing away in their closet.  Either way, I’m putting it out there.

4 things we are loose lips on:

  1. Politics

  2. Playdates

  3. The Planet

  4. Our Pelvic floors

No matter what end of the spectrum you’re on- it’s time we start giving #4 some lip service.  Ready for some fun facts?

Fact 1:

There are layers and layers of too loose lips and closed off ones and even ones that are opened up into Uranus!

Fact 2:

There are layers and layers of lips I plan to expose.

-Superficial perineal – the lips we see

-A deep perineal pouch – the money load

-Our pelvic diaphragm -it’s ahold-upp! But wait! The buck doesn’t actually stop there.  In some cases, some people can see Uranus from there.   We all know where that layer of lip service ends.

Fact 3:

Newsflash!  Men have a pelvic floor too.  The pelvic floor is not exclusive to the vagina, although pushing an 8 lb. watermelon from the vagina is exclusive to women.  That really happens.  It happens twice and some go for several watermelon rolls.  AND! No one tells anyone “Lucy, you got SOME REHAB TO DO!”

Why?  Because No one told your Mom no one told your Nana. Your Nana sure as hell was nah nah nah talking about her pelvic floor.  I wholeheartedly believe future generations will liken giving birth to an extreme sport like say cross fit or tai chi.  Rehab will be required.

Hence, female overachievers do tend to be more overactive in the Pelvic Floor Dysfunction arena but men do also share the floor.

Fact 4:

1 in 4 American’s are peeing themself into a ripe 79.8 years of old age…

 

At age 45, Fact 4 had me racing my way right on over to the physical therapist (right after I secured my teens future into a great college, baked gluten free muffins, rubbed my husband’s neck, converted the world back to organic farming and meditated twice daily!).

Suffice to say, I procrastinated and lapsed like a pro long enough.

I made my appointment.

They sent out a card.

I saved the date using my secretary, Siri.

Then I showed up on the wrong day at the wrong time.  (Note to self: fire stupid Australian Siri and write a blog post on brain fog after age 40.)

I rescheduled and finally arrived at my very first PT session for pelvic floor dysfunction.  I thought I had finally taken matters into my own hands but for the minor/major detail no one mentioned…why must we treat eachother with kid gloves!  Tell the truth and the truth shall set us all free!

Ready for this!  My PT wears non-latex gloves and uses lubricant!  So I’m shocked, horrified, oddly relieved, inspired, and now completely motivated to do as she says to remedy this dysfunction fast!  And c’mon how could I possibly not tell the world this story?  Your lives totally and completely depend on it!

More on my pelvic floor journey over the next several weeks.